Joe – A Journey through Life
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The Early Years. . .
Joe started life as a baby. This may be surprising to some.
He was a cute one - wasn't he?
The Lean Years. . .
Joe worked for a time
as a second rate actor. He started off by filling in as Bobby Brady on the Brady
Bunch. The Brady job was short lived due to "artistic
differences" between Joe & the director.
Joe had his first starring role in a "B" movie remake of "Mighty Joe Young". The role seemed to be cast for him - maybe it was because of his unnatural amount of body hair (many costly electrolysis sessions later cleared up this problem up for him). Unfortunately, like Samson, with the loss of his (back) hair came the loss of starring roles.
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Joe was forced to
move on to play bit parts in Kung-fu movies. It was here that here developed
his characteristic hair style. While Joe did not become a star, his hair style
became as big a fad as the "Jennifer Anniston" dew.
The Disco Years (or a man born a little too late). . .
Like many people, Joe was attracted to the disco movement. Unfortunately, he became interested in the early '90s - which made it kind of scary. Nobody is sure why he was attracted to this art form. Perhaps it was due to some connection between his earlier acting career and the disco hit Kung-Fu Fighting.
He began small by purchasing a few KC & the Sunshine Band eight tracks. This only whetted his appetite for more, and soon he was into platform shoes, puka beads and Diana Ross. He was often seen doing the Hustle and singing Disco Inferno in his front yard. Neighbors began calling Joe "Le Freak" or "The Disco Fool". Some people just called him "Fool".
Joe's interest soon became an obsession. He was buying two to three eight tracks a day. He decorated his house with lava lamps, bean bag chairs and hanging beads in the doorways. John Travolta posters hung behind every door. He even went so far as to put mirrored disco balls in his bathroom. Hear one of Joe's early recordings (for better or for worse. . .)..
Joe's break into the
disco world came when he ran across a couple of members of the band The
Village People. It was there that he learned that he was the inspiration
for the first line in YMCA. He joined the band on a revival tour (under
his alias - "Chuckie"). He was so obsessed with the music that he
soon played every part in the band (though his favorite was always the sailor).
He was quoted as saying: “I've got this boogie fever. I've got to boogie down. I've got this-a boogie fever deep inside. Yow. I've got to down A Fifth of Beethoven every couple of hours. I've definitely got a boogie fever. “
Joe was often mistaken as a “young” man of 18 by soldiers that he encountered on tour. That, and the strange rock he kept in his car, led to his new nickname - "The Dancing Queen". - as well as ejection from the band.
Joe could not be kept
out of show-biz; however, and eventually got a job as one of Boy George's
sideboys in Culture Club. The job ended when Boy George realized that
Joe's appearance was stranger than his.
The Decline (in muscle tissue). . .
Heartbroken from his break-up with the Village People and Culture Club, Joe traveled the country. He started in Chicago and headed west to L.A., but ended up in Boston (Joe's sense of direction is legendary). In Boston, Joe got a job with a traveling circus (again using his alias - "Chuckie") catching shrimp with his mouth. That job was short lived, however, since Joe always forgot to open his mouth. Joe put on a few pounds when his wife was pregnant & later became a champion sumo wrestler.
At his last sighting, Joe was seen appearing for fast food restaurant openings and shopping mall promotions with some of his fellow celebrities. Joe actually got to meet his (hairstyle) idol, Don King, at a local Bingo Night at the VFW.
…and then Joe left General Dynamics
Joe got the itch to try new things. He left General Dynamics, despite the good cafeteria and engaging travel opportunities. He tried several new jobs. None them seemed to work out, though.
His first job after leaving was as a security Guard at LL Bean. The work was okay, but Joey loved the way the leather felt – and the hat complemented his hair-doo so well. He eventually left because LL Bean wouldn’t let him shoot unruly customers.
Joe in the finest outdoor-wear.
His next job brought him to the zoo. He had no animal experience, so they put Joe in the “Collections” office.
Joe works on “accounts receivables”
The zoo job got pretty repetitive, and Joe got restless again. This time he got a temporary job as a stand-in for Robin in the latest Batman redux. He was so natural at it, though, he eventually took over the role completely. The only problem was nobody was sure of his real name. They just called him the Boy Wonder (many people thought his full name was “Boy? Hmm. I Wonder” – we’re not sure why). The long hours, and itchy mask got to Joe, and he had to leave.
“Holy Bat-bulge, Batman”
Joe was drunk with celebrity, and landed a new job as Ozzie Osbourne’s son in the first season of the Osbournes. Here Joe poses with his adopted family. The money was good, and there was all the alcohol you could want, but Joe soon grew tired of having to translate Osbourne-speak.
Joe enjoys a break with his “family”
Joe has always
been an athlete-at-heart, so he tried a shot at the NBA. He try-outs took him as far as the
pre-season, and things were looking good.
Joe tried to establish his one style. Unfortunately, “total geek” wasn’t what the bulls were
looking for, and he got dropped.
The fact that he absolutely no vertical leap ability didn’t help either.
Joe is stylin’ on the court
Joe was without work for several months, and had to finally take a job of last-resort. Yess, he became a deodorant tester. I actually wasn’t so bad, Joe thought – “the smell is pretty bad, but the hair tickles…”
“It ain’t so bad”
The deodorant company had layoffs, and Joe was forced to find other alternatives. Yes, it was…
The Return of the Joey
That’s right. Joe returned to General Dynamics to reform the J-team.
Of course, this sparked the return of…
